Mormon dating culture
There were so many girls who wanted to get married that the “worthy” or desirable men could have their pick.Some men would go out with dozens of different girls, as if they were holding an audition for the role of future wife.I can’t help but think that there might be something about his Mormon background and culture that is keeping this from developing any further. : “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”?It’s a great line, but it needs a little tweaking, I think, for application to the world of Mormonism.I felt like Elizabeth Bennett on her wedding night if she had married Mr. When you marry to fill a role, the theory is that anyone will do, so long as they are worthy.The other phenomenon I noticed at BYU was that some guys seemed to be waiting to be swept off their feet.Which is not to say that you’re wrong in your hunches, or that Mormonism has not played a role in shaping his masculinity.Few contemporary world religions talk more explicitly and prescriptively about gender roles than Mormonism, and I have no doubt (especially if he is a multigenerational or ethnic Mormon) that his Mormonism has helped shape how he understands and expresses himself—including his love of basketball, his pioneer work ethic, sincerity, pragmatism, and his sentimental tears!
However, as I have become more engaged and smitten, he has maintained his distance, unable to commit emotionally (although he does say he “likes me a lot” and finds me “adorable.”).
I often wore tie-dyed jeans and a men’s thrift store blazer with a concert tee underneath.
In Pennsylvania, I never had a shortage of guys who were interested in me, including lots I thought were totally out of my league. Maybe they thought I was easy because I didn’t wear a prayer bonnet. When I got to college, I expected this male attention to continue; instead I felt like I disappeared completely.
Mormons tend to believe we have our own special brand of happiness that comes from living a devout Mormon life, but our unhappiness seems to come from the same sources as everyone else’s: failure, disappointment, conflict, self-doubt, poor choices, and so forth.
I’m tempted to say that the unhappiness and emotional distance you’re experiencing with the Mormon man you’re dating has more to do with the fact that he is processing the end of a twenty-year marriage than with any particularly Mormon facet of his masculinity.